All right-y mates. The pressure is on this week. with our mid-semester test on the line, it's practically our lives we're risking. haha, no. absolutely not. i was just kidding. Anyway, any genius out there, wouldn't succeed without the most important people in their lives, well besides the need of friends that is. Family, yes. They're the ones who watch us grew up until now. They're the ones who supports us through thick and thin. Who are these people?
(this list are sorted through the most important, 'til the least important. nah, i'm totally kidding. i mean i put my brother on number 3! he's totally not important. HAHA JK)
1. Mother
We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. Our mother, everyone has one, or two, or more. So anyway, our birth mother, carry us for 7-9 months maximal, and then gave birth to us. very very risky thing to do. They've been carrying a watermelon (that's us) in their belly for a whole of 9 months. tough thing to do. not to mention absolutely heavy. Our mother is the one who supports us, always. Love you mom!
2. Dad
I also wouldn't exist in this world if it wasn't for my dad. You know, the fatherly role in our lives? Well this guy right here, owns it. My dad is also the one who motivates us to go the right way, and to make the most out of our lives (well at least, that's what my dad always told me).
3. Brother/sister
As annoying as they might be, my life wouldn't be complete without the existence of my brainy but annoying brother. I mean, he always, always finds a way to annoy me, in every kind, every possible way possible. But, you know, i rarely say this, but i gotta admit, without this boy in my life, my days wouldn't be as "FUN" as they have been. it would be very lonely indeed. Anyway, good luck to my brother, who's gonna go to India, the country of curry & the magical Taj Mahal, for the Wiz Mic mathematics competition. Hope you bring the gold medal home -for me to sell- HAHA, no. totally joking.
4. Grandma & Grandpa
Our father AND mother wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. And you know what that means, we wouldn't be here too if they're not here right? so give a big applause to your own grandma and grandpa! HAHA. So, in Indonesia, when it's the end of Ramadhan (Eid Mubasrak, the start of the month Syawal-in islam religion), people go to other people's house and celebrate with them. W eat, drink, and talk together. We practically spent around 4 days, going to people's houses. Mostly families or close friends's. As a tradition, grown ups, gave us (childs & infants & teenager! -big surprise there) money!! I got the biggest and the best tons of money from my grandma! Last year she gave my brother & me a hundred US dollars each! this year, is almost the same, but the currency is in Rupiah. so, thankyou grandma, and grandpa. Sadly, my grandpa from dad already passed away. :')
5. Uncles & Aunts
Oh yes, our uncles and aunts are all so very precious-_- from my dad's family, i have around 5-6 aunts and around 8 uncles. whilst from my mom, i have 10-13 aunts and a lot of uncles (HAHA OMG i don't know for sure). Uncles and aunts are also important. They are our parents' brothers and sisters/cousins, or brothers, sister/cousins-in law. Yeah, we must have a lot. Anyway did you know that if my grandma has a little sister, and the sister has only gave birth a year befor i was born, the boy is still considered as my uncle? YEAH, i do have one of those uncle. (hey, uncle billy! ugh so weird) anyway that's the way it is in some parts of Indonesian traditions. Even if i have an uncle who's 5 years younger than me, i still have to call him my uncle. Without uncles and aunts, probably there would be no fun in family meetings & reunions.
6. Cousins
Ah, yes. Cousins! I absolutely love all of my cousins. From my dad's family I have 2 boy cousins. From my mother's I have 2 older girl cousins, 2 younger boy cousins, & 3 younger girl cousins. haha, yes that's a lot. and that's only from my inner family (grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, father, mother, brother, sister) yeahh.. i know right. but, you know without my cousins, every inner family meeting would be pretty much pointless. Not fun. At all.
7. Friends
Yeah, I considered my friends as family. Especially my best friends. They are practically one of the closest people in our lives. So i 'labeled' them as my family :)
-Alsa-
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
As Long As You're With Me - Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3: Certainty
[Claire]
It's 10.30 PM here, in Jakarta. I'm currently gazing up at the dark starless sky above. It's practically pitch-black. The only thing that I can see is an endless and endless of black sky.
I remember the sky in Stratford. The sun always sets around 7 or 8 PM. Unlike here. It sets at 6 PM. I really miss Stratford. I miss all my friends, I miss my grandparents, I miss everything.
Jakarta's sky doesn't have stars. There are too many city and street lights from below, so we can't really see what's above. Even the moon doesn't show up tonight. It usually does though.
I wonder why...
Suddenly realization struck me.
Justin was supposed to call me, 'later' as he said. But he hasn't called, hmm.. Until now. Why's that? Justin's never really the type of person who broke his promises. He always do the things that he tells he would do. So there must be some good reason for this.
I sighed, thinking back to the events of today. My dad left this morning, for a conference thing in Singapore. He's gonna be gone for a week or so. Meanwhile, my mom has a job out of town, to deal with some designers or something like that.
So I guess I have the house all to myself then.
Not that I mind.
Usually, I would ask Trina to sleep over, but she can't since her cousin, Chris, whom I had a small encounter with earlier, just moved from Australia.
So I'm all alone..
I gazed above at the sky one more time. Suddenly my iPhone buzzed and let out a sound indicating I have a new text message. I took it out of my pocket and look at the home screen.
Justin Bieber:
Claire, I'm so sorry for scooter interrupting our call like that, and I'm sorry for not calling you. Scooter forced me to go to an early dance practice. Oh, and I have some big news. Please call me when you get this. I'm so sorry again, love you always! <3
Its Justin. I've never been this disappointed at him. And I'm not really in the mood to talk to him right now. Plus I'm tired from the events of today, I'm just gonna call him the minute I wake up I guess.
Maybe I'm being kind of mean. I know I'm supposed to call him now, since I got the text and all.
I just wanna get back at him sometimes.
I stood up, brushing some grass off my maroon shorts. Yeah, I didn't really bother to change after being at Trina's. I put the iPhone back into my pocket, and then went inside of the house through the back door.
I climbed up the stairs to my room, thinking about Chris.
I know its such a sudden to develop feelings towards the boy I just met. But I couldn't help it. After a little encounter that I had with him today, at Trina's house, I still felt the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.
I can still memorize his flawless appearance. His tousled blonde hair, his mesmerizing blue eyes.
You know.. The kind of guy that has the look that could make an awestruck girl, faint.
Deep down, I know. I still have feelings for Justin. Yeah, we were really close back then. We even daAted for awhile. But then, I have to move away. Leaving my 'soul' back in Stratford.
I don't even know what's worth it anymore. When I'm with him, I felt free. I felt like there's no danger in this world. I felt.. Fearless
He's a badass. And I can't help to fall for him.
But now, there's Chris.. Should I forget about Justin? After all, he forgot to call me anyway. And not just that, we're also growing apart more and more this days.
It bothers me, a whole lot.
I reach the door of my room and grab the knob of it. I slowly walk in.
"What the hell. Who put these in here?" I murmured under my breath. There's a bouquet of flowers filled with purple and white tulips, on the bed.
Yeah, after I went to Trina's house, I didn't go to my room. I feel that I need to lay awhile in the backyard. So I did it.
I walk to the end of my bed. There's a note stuck in between the flowers. I pick it up. There's some writing on the card.
To: Claire
I am so sorry for everything that I did to you. I really didn't mean it. I'm sorry for not telling you about me breaking out as a star. I'm sorry for not calling you today. But Scooter told me something really important, and I think you should know what it is. Please accept my apology. Hope you will..
Love you forever & always,
Justin
Oh my God, this is so sweet of him. I was just planning on bitching to him, but he's so nice to me. And I can't believe he signed it with "love".
Although its not his real writing tough. The note's typed with some formal font. I picked up a white tulip and smell it. I turn the card around, and there's another writing.
PS: Your mom got home this afternoon, I called her. She told me that you're at a friend's. So I told her to put the flower bouquet that I ordered in your room. I know you're probably freakin' out how the hell does this thing get into your room.
What? My mom came home this afternoon? I was probably at Trina's, yes. But she didn't even tell me she's coming?
Suddenly, I have the urging feeling for a night snack. I put the note on the white duvet, and make my way out of the room. I descended down the stairs with a run.
Why didn't she tell me she's coming?
Ugh, she managed to tell Justin and not me? What kind of mother is that?
I walk-run to the kitchen. The house is pretty big. I finally reached the kitchen. There's a note on the refrigerator. I quickly grab and read it.
Trina, sorry I don't tell you I'm coming home. I have something I need to take, but I have to rush back for work. I'll call you later, honey.
Love,
Mom
Haha, yeah right. I know she wouldn't have time to call me anyway.
I guess, I'm gonna call Justin now. After all, he's done all this for me, right?
I sit on the kitchen counter, breathing in the heavy air. I can feel the smell of spices. Its so quite here. Nobody's home besides me. I reached inside my shorts pocket and slid out the iPhone.
After a few pushes and dials, I neared the phone to my ear.
There comes a sound indicating the call's reaching an International fee or something. I waited patiently, drumming my polished fingers on the marble counter.
"Hello?" A very familiar voice said from the other line. I can't help but smile because of it.
"Hi Justin! Oh my Gosh I'm so surprised. Thanks by the way, for all that you've done!" I suddenly forgot about him not keeping his promise. I don't mind that now, I'm already beyond happy by what he has done.
"I'm glad you love it! And I'm so sorry about earlier," He paused for a while. I could hear his sincerity in his voice. I can sense him grinning through the phone. Yeah, ridiculous I know. "And about that.... I have something I have to tell you.." He continued slowly but surely, causing curiosity to fill in.
"What is it? Something to do with Scooter?" I ask. Since Scooter interrupted our call earlier. I shifted on the counter, trying to find another comfortable position.
"Yeah, but it mostly involves me actually! Wait for it..." He paused again. I merely knit my eyebrows together, a little confused. "I'M GONNA HAVE A WORLD TOUR!" Justin yelled excitedly to the phone.
What?! Are you fucking serious about this? Oh my Gosh, what a nice surprise for an already surprising evening.
Wow.
Just, wow.
I can't believe what I said to Justin earlier today is actually gonna happen.
Ha! Could I really predict something that's gonna happen? Whew. Wait, I'm going nuts.
"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I exclaimed loudly, practically screaming to the phone. I jumped off of the kitchen counter, too excited to sit anymore.
"Yes, I'm serious about this Claire. No pranks and all that alright." He chuckled a little. I walk to the fridge and open it, picking up a half-full bottle of apple juice.
"Wait, YOU'RE having a world tour! You just have to come to Indonesia! Ahh, I'm so happy for you!" I can't help but squeeled excitedly.
I mean, this is your best friend, and he's going to have a world tour. That's just plain insane, right?
"I'm not sure about that, but I wanna go there so badly y'know. I'm sure Scooter could fill the country in. We didn't have the dates and places yet anyway Claire. So you just wait okay?" I paced back and front with the apple juice in hand, trying to keep my excitement out of control.
"Well, tell me later if you and Scooter have figured it out or something," I paused for a while. "I miss you, Justin. I hope I'm there you know. Sharing the excitement with you. Rather than being here practically bored out of my mind thinking about your upcoming tour you just told me.."
"I miss you to Claire.. Lots. I mean it. Its been a long time, eh? Hmm.. Probably more than 3 months apart from you could make me die out of missing your presence.." I laughed out loud at that. "Haha, oh my Gosh, where the hell did that come from?" I can hear him chuckled slightly.
"Maybe... Just maybe, I could come to Stratford.. Umm, you know.. Kinda like a vacation or something? I'm on a school break anyway. Its not gonna be a big deal.."
"My my.. You can do that? I missed you too much, Claire! Will you come here? Pretty please.. Y'know it gets a tad boring just playing with Chaz and Ryan.." I know that's totally impossible to feel bored around Chaz and Ryan.. Especially Chaz, since he's a clumsy boy and also a total dick-head.
"You're definitely lying, Justin! You'd never get bored around Chaz and Ryan. That's like, absolutely, without no doubt, impossible!" I can feel him smirking now..
"Haha. You must miss them lots, huh? Who do you miss more? Me or them?!" He demand me to answer. I just shuffled a little as I pulled the stool from under the kitchen island.
"No, I miss you guys a whole lot, yes. But equally," I smirk slightly at that.
"Ahh, now you're lying! I could tell from that smirk of yours that I just heard, that YOU MISSED ME MORE THAN THOSE TWO! Aha, beat that gurl!"
"Now, now. I so don't want to have a so-called argument through the phone with you. So I'm just gonna have to say..." I pause a while, before continuing. "Yes, I missed you more than ever, more than them, more than anything. And that, I'm not lying."
Yes I do miss Justin more than ever.. I miss having long talks on his couch. I miss our stupid arguments and snide remarks to each other. I miss his hugs, his warm body heat when he hugs me. I miss his amazing hair. Yeah I miss him.. Very much.
"Now that's what I'm talking about! Ha!" He paused, laughing a little. "But yeah.. I miss you more than I've ever miss anybody in my life.."
"You do?" I asked, a little curious about it. Justin rarely 'confess' his true feelings like this. He would probably answer with another annoying reply.
But I guess I'm wrong.
'Cause what he said, surprised me. A lot.
"Yeah, I do. And I am not joking. I miss talking and laughing with you. I miss every single thing about you. I love you, Claire. And that's saying a lot."
I'm totally dazed. And also shocked. Really shocked.
I never thought that something like this, could actually come from my prankster friend's mouth.
Oh. My. Gosh.
"Did you mean that as.. Umm, the friends way, or.." I kept the question hanging between us, cause I have no idea for words. Practically. Almost... Speechless.
"No. I mean that in a way as, umm.. More than f-friends, y'know.. Umm.. I can't help it, uhh.. Thinking back to the days when we were a thing you know. And I guess, I love you the way, uhh.. Couples do.."
What?! He rarely stumbles on his words like that..
And.. Um, maybe I too have a little bit more than friends feelings for him.
"Wow. You're not kidding me right?"
"No I'm being totally honest with you on this one. I promise not a joke or prank involved." I could sense him smiling from the way he spoke to me. I can't help but smile too.
I could feel a warm heat cascading through my whole body, from the butterflies fluttering uncontrollably in my stomach.
"'Cause you know what.. Uh.. I'm feeling the same way too.." I said it a little too quietly. I'm not even sure if he heard me.
I shuffled a little against the wooden stool.
A very long too-awkward silence fills in the moment through the phone.
Suddenly he broke the silence.
"You do?" A tone of surprise in his raspy voice.
"Yeahh... You know, I couldn't help thinking back on the way we used to be," I said, putting an emphasis in the word 'used'. "Haha, remember when we were sitting below the big apple tree near my old house, and then some apples drops from the tree branches? That was absolutely hilarious!"
And then Justin and I broke into loud fits of laughter.
"Oh my gosh! Yes I remember that!"
We broke into another fits of laughter. I can't help but clasp my hand around my stomach. Its aching a little from the undying laughter.
Finally, our laughter cools down. I decided to speak up first
"Umm, you know.. Maybe I could ask for my parents' permission to have a vacation in Stratford. I'm sure they won't mind. I could sleep over at your house or something, haha!"
"I'm sure you could. I hope you'll come here Claire, if not I'm gonna explode and my lava's gonna eat you alive! Okay never mind that. I'm such a nerd," He laughed out loud. I can't help but laugh along.
"Okay.. Well, I think I have to go. Its pretty late here. Let's see," I looked up to see the digital clock on the wall. Its red numbers flashing bright to my eyes. 10.58. "Its almost 11 pm. Its nice talking to you, Justin!"
"Yeah, well.. I'll miss you Claire!"
"I'll miss you too.. Bye, love you."
"Love you too.." And by that, I clicked the red end call button.
I sighed, opening the cap of the apple juice bottle. I lifted the bottle up to my eye's level. I smiled a little, realizing for the first real time, that I do love him.
I love Justin.
----
"So.. How about the teachers at Osbone? Are they nice?" Chris asked me, reaching for my hand. He clasped his fingers around mine while we were somehow, walking in the town park near the school. It sends me butterflies.
"They're nice and fun. Usually, some of them have games for us to play. And believe me, its not boring at all. Its fun actually. Or they'd let us chat while taking notes. They're pretty nice.."
"Oh really? That's good then," he chuckled. I gave out a small giggle. We swing our arms back and forth in pleasant silence, still walking along the garden's small stony path. Suddenly Chris stopped in his tracks, merely noticing me that has bumped into him, half-walking, half-stopping. I looked at him. He tensed a little.
"What's wrong?" I asked him. I didn't get why he would stop in the middle of his track like this. He barely looks at me. But he answered..
"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you." He shrug his shoulder downwards. I gave him a funny look, clearly confused. He's still looking down to the ground.
"Umm... I may have f-feelings for you.." He's still avoiding my gaze. Clearly from the look on his face, he is pretty nervous. He rarely stutter with his own words. That's new..
I could barely think of an answer. I just keep staring and staring at him intently. He never broke his 'eye-contact' from the ground.
But just then, he looks up at me with his mesmerizing caribbean blue eyes. I just returned his gaze, looking at him in the eye.
"I like you, Claire. I do. And I've been so afraid this whole time y'know. I've been thinking about you everyday, every minute..."
I couldn't mutter an even simple reply. I couldn't... No. I don't have the merest courage to answer him.
"Claire.. I know this is sudden, but I'm not gonna rush okay. We can still be just friends. I just want to admit that to you. I'm not proposing or anything you know.."
"Yeah I know.. Well I have feelings for you too, but, uh.. I'm not sure yet of what it is. I'm sorry."
"No that's totally okay. You don't have to feel the same way to me."
"No, I do like you. Its just, I'm still confused.." I shrugged a little.
"You don't have to answer now. You don't even have to answer, anyway. I just wanted to admit that to you. I'm not hoping high for you to reply my feelings and feel the same way. I'm just-"
I don't know what surge through me, but I leaned my head closer to him. And I can feel my lips touching with his.
"How could you do this to me. I thought you loved me.."
I gasped, breaking away from Chris.
It was Justin. I heard his voice in my head..
----
I opened my eyes with shock. Sending shivers down my spine.
Its all just a dream.. Its only a dream..
I can't help replaying the dream over and over in my head. It seems... Surreal.
What if my dream will came true? Of course its not really a typical nightmare. But for me, its really scary. Hearing my best friend's voice in my head is already creepy enough. Even in dreams.
Gosh, I'm totally having a dilemma over some unrealistic dream. Usually, I always have a logic explanation about this things. But this time... I don't.
I have to tell Trina about all of this. I absolutely need to tell her.
Well maybe..
I need a girl's day out.
---
"So you're not really certain of how you feel towards him, and also my cousin huh? Its kinda like the love triangles in movies, you know.." Trina chuckled by what she's saying. I just shrugged a little, uncomfortably.
I called Trina this morning, saying that I need a day out with her. Its been a pretty long time not having a Trina-Claire day. We usually just hang out at her house or my house. But today, we're going to a nearby mall. Trina said she need to buy a dress or something, and she needs me to tag along. So this could be the 'golden chance' to talk to her. Since she has been pretty busy dealing with the Chris-moving-to-Jakarta issue.
"Well.. Yeah, I'm still not certain about my feelings you know.." I shrugged my shoulders down. "I'm confused about all this. Maybe, time will tell.. Soon enough I hope,"
"Yeah, well I hope so. I have no right to deal with this. Y'know I'm just barging in because you told me all this alright. I'm not gonna take sides, even though Chris is my own cousin. You have the right to choose.."
"Aww.. Thanks a lot Trina!" I hugged her really tightly. She really is the best best friend ever..
Well, other than Megan of course.
See, the thing is, Megan and I never really lost contact between each other. We still talk a few times, but not as much as before. We're drifting apart. And it just happens naturally, without neither of us wanting it to happen.
I would love to have both Trina and Megan as my best friends. Sadly, we live in 'different worlds'.
So Trina and I, talked a lot. From store to store, we'd never stop talking, or commenting about this dress and that shoes or that handbag over there, and so on.
Until..
Trina suddenly stopped talking in the middle of our walk. She widen her eyes in shock, looking out through the store's glass display window. I look at her. Her eyes are practically bulging out of their sockets.
I turned the way she's looking and my mouth opened instantly. I felt my stomach drop at lightning speed. I'm absolutely speechless. I can't even comprehend what's really happening right now.
I saw Chris and Ashley Lewis, one of the losers in Osbone High, kissing.
I mean, seriously? How the hell did Chris know her? And why is HE kissing HER? She's an absolute outsider in our school. Her hair is the color of brownish black, and its very very curly. Very ugly indeed. And then she has a bad case of acne and freckles. Plus her fashion sense is just totally out. She wore green jacket with a red t-shirt once. Talk about color clashing! And anyway she doesn't even have a close friend.. Except for one girl named Ella or something.
Ugh. Why is Chris kissing Ashley? And how did he know her like that?
"Why in the world is that loser stucking her tongue in my cousin's throat?!" Trina said with a loud remark. Her face full of disgust and shock. Her eyes practically not blinking.
"I have no idea." I said slowly. Chris and Ashley? Kissing? Get out.
This already feels like the end of the world.. I actually felt the way people described it in movies:
My world is crashing down, well that kind of thing.
I felt pain surging through my whole body from my heart. Pain and something like anger.. or should I say... Jealously. I felt like I'm the one who should kiss him.
Oh God, what's wrong with me.
"Come on let's go over to them." I said casually, trying hard not to show my anger. Normally, my face would turn red at times like this.
Chris and Ashley.
Chris and Ashley.
Chris..
God, dammit stop it already.
We got out of the store and walked over to them. A smirk formed on Trina's face. As Trina got closer to them, I just stand behind and watch from a close distance.
Trina merely gave a fake cough. Hearing a sound interrupting THEM, Chris and Ashley broke apart from their little make-out session.
"Chris, what the hell are you doing kissing this dirt over here?" Whew that was harsh and a little bit mean. Okay not a little, scratch that. It was so mean.
Chris's face turns from expressionless to disgust, while looking at Ashley, and shock when he realized I was there. He stare at me for a long time.
"Oh Gosh. I have no idea! This girl over here just came up to me while I was walking, and kissed me right here. I swear!" Chris paused awhile, waiting for one of us to give a comment. But we both, Trina and I, stayed silent. Trina just shrugged and crossed her arms. Whilst I only scratch my head, avoiding Chris's gaze.
"Please guys! I don't even know her!"
Trina raised an eyebrow at his sentence. Uhm, okay I could say that Chris sounded truthful.
After a long silence, finally Trina stepped forward to face Ashley. "Well? Do you have any explanations?"
She didn't answer the question, as she did the stupidest thing a person could think of.
Run.
----
"Uhmm... So,"
"So.."
I still couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of my eyes a few moments ago. It was like every air you're about to breath is gone, like hyper-ventilating.
And here I am, in his room. The awkward tension lies in-between us. Hugging every corner of the room.
I just play with the strands of my hair, not bothering to look up at Chris's sorry face.
I want to look at him so badly. I want to stare into those mesmerizing caribbean blue eyes. But, I just couldn't. Yes, I know this isn't really his fault.. At all. But still. He kissed her back. And to top it all off, I saw it right before my eyes.
The image of them still play continously on my mind.
Well, I think its better to know this by myself then from another person. Like a friend of mine or something.
Still. I couldn't face him. I can't look at him and not feel hurt.
"I'm sorry, Claire. I didn't mean that. I'm really sorry.." I heard him gave a sigh. "Please believe me. I wish I could take it all back. I don't even know what she's doing coming up to me and kissing me like that."
"No its okay, really. It's not even your fault,"
"But I-"
"No, don't bother okay. That kiss certainly doesn't mean anything, since you kissed her back."
That was kind of mean. But it's the truth. I feel like I'm being such a bitch right now. Gosh.
I look up slowly, boring my eyes into his. Realization struck me. What am I doing? I'm not even certain that what we have, what Chris and I have, is real.
We never made it official.
So why am I acting like this? Jealous? Yes of course. But I'm not even his girlfriend.
"Claire, please.. I'm really sorry,"
"You know what, just stop it. All of this is just non-sense. I don't understand what we have. What's up with us? I don't think that you do either. We've never been that serious anyway," I shrug slightly, the anger creeping through. "This is what I've always been afraid of. What do we even have, Chris? What is it that we have? What's going on between the two of us?"
Chris shook his head, speechless. I know that both of us didn't understand what we both have towards each other. Maybe its just some unexpected chemistry or something. I mean, I've only met him a few days ago!
"I just.." I paused to regain my composure. This is very emotional, indeed. "I don't think that this could continue, okay. It's over, whatever we have."
I look at his face, his expression solemn. I can't take it anymore. Tears seems to form behind my eyes. I blink a few times, nervously, to hold it all in.
"Goodbye." I said, reaching for the door handle. But his hands stop me by the shoulder.
"Claire.." I stopped in my tracks, my back still facing him. I couldn't possibly turn to face him without crying. Pathetic, I know.
"Look, I know you don't want this to continue. But I do. Well I'm not sure either what we have here between us. But I, so badly, want it to last. And you can't stop me, okay? I have legit feelings for you. Even though we just met like 3 days ago, well you know what? I don't care. I don't fucking care, 'cause what matters right here, right now, is me and you. Not even what happens between me and that girl at the mall, could stop me from having this attraction towards you." He paused, sighing. At times like this, I couldn't resist to feel some kind of liking towards those thick australian accent. "So could you at least, forgive me for what I did? It's the least you could do for me. Please?"
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I turn to face him, and run to his open arms. I know this sounds a lot like what you see in movies and all that fluffy romance stuff. But well, what matters is, I felt safe with his arms around me. Protecting me. Silent tears, trickle down my cheeks. I didn't bother to wipe it off my face. I could taste the salty tears on the corner of my mouth.
But I don't care.
Because what matters most is that you have someone to hold on to. Someone who cares. Someone who's willing to stay by your side.
Even though, we're not even certain what we have. All that matters is now. The moment that is happening.
And being with someone who loves you, is the best feeling you could have experienced.
sorry for the long wait and spelling mistakes if there's any. so so sorry. this took me so long. actually i've finished this chapter a long time ago, but since i have it in my blackberry, i kinda postponed to send it to my e-mail for awhile. anyways, sorry again and wait for the next part. MUCHLOVEE!
~ALSA
[Claire]
It's 10.30 PM here, in Jakarta. I'm currently gazing up at the dark starless sky above. It's practically pitch-black. The only thing that I can see is an endless and endless of black sky.
I remember the sky in Stratford. The sun always sets around 7 or 8 PM. Unlike here. It sets at 6 PM. I really miss Stratford. I miss all my friends, I miss my grandparents, I miss everything.
Jakarta's sky doesn't have stars. There are too many city and street lights from below, so we can't really see what's above. Even the moon doesn't show up tonight. It usually does though.
I wonder why...
Suddenly realization struck me.
Justin was supposed to call me, 'later' as he said. But he hasn't called, hmm.. Until now. Why's that? Justin's never really the type of person who broke his promises. He always do the things that he tells he would do. So there must be some good reason for this.
I sighed, thinking back to the events of today. My dad left this morning, for a conference thing in Singapore. He's gonna be gone for a week or so. Meanwhile, my mom has a job out of town, to deal with some designers or something like that.
So I guess I have the house all to myself then.
Not that I mind.
Usually, I would ask Trina to sleep over, but she can't since her cousin, Chris, whom I had a small encounter with earlier, just moved from Australia.
So I'm all alone..
I gazed above at the sky one more time. Suddenly my iPhone buzzed and let out a sound indicating I have a new text message. I took it out of my pocket and look at the home screen.
Justin Bieber:
Claire, I'm so sorry for scooter interrupting our call like that, and I'm sorry for not calling you. Scooter forced me to go to an early dance practice. Oh, and I have some big news. Please call me when you get this. I'm so sorry again, love you always! <3
Its Justin. I've never been this disappointed at him. And I'm not really in the mood to talk to him right now. Plus I'm tired from the events of today, I'm just gonna call him the minute I wake up I guess.
Maybe I'm being kind of mean. I know I'm supposed to call him now, since I got the text and all.
I just wanna get back at him sometimes.
I stood up, brushing some grass off my maroon shorts. Yeah, I didn't really bother to change after being at Trina's. I put the iPhone back into my pocket, and then went inside of the house through the back door.
I climbed up the stairs to my room, thinking about Chris.
I know its such a sudden to develop feelings towards the boy I just met. But I couldn't help it. After a little encounter that I had with him today, at Trina's house, I still felt the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.
I can still memorize his flawless appearance. His tousled blonde hair, his mesmerizing blue eyes.
You know.. The kind of guy that has the look that could make an awestruck girl, faint.
Deep down, I know. I still have feelings for Justin. Yeah, we were really close back then. We even daAted for awhile. But then, I have to move away. Leaving my 'soul' back in Stratford.
I don't even know what's worth it anymore. When I'm with him, I felt free. I felt like there's no danger in this world. I felt.. Fearless
He's a badass. And I can't help to fall for him.
But now, there's Chris.. Should I forget about Justin? After all, he forgot to call me anyway. And not just that, we're also growing apart more and more this days.
It bothers me, a whole lot.
I reach the door of my room and grab the knob of it. I slowly walk in.
"What the hell. Who put these in here?" I murmured under my breath. There's a bouquet of flowers filled with purple and white tulips, on the bed.
Yeah, after I went to Trina's house, I didn't go to my room. I feel that I need to lay awhile in the backyard. So I did it.
I walk to the end of my bed. There's a note stuck in between the flowers. I pick it up. There's some writing on the card.
To: Claire
I am so sorry for everything that I did to you. I really didn't mean it. I'm sorry for not telling you about me breaking out as a star. I'm sorry for not calling you today. But Scooter told me something really important, and I think you should know what it is. Please accept my apology. Hope you will..
Love you forever & always,
Justin
Oh my God, this is so sweet of him. I was just planning on bitching to him, but he's so nice to me. And I can't believe he signed it with "love".
Although its not his real writing tough. The note's typed with some formal font. I picked up a white tulip and smell it. I turn the card around, and there's another writing.
PS: Your mom got home this afternoon, I called her. She told me that you're at a friend's. So I told her to put the flower bouquet that I ordered in your room. I know you're probably freakin' out how the hell does this thing get into your room.
What? My mom came home this afternoon? I was probably at Trina's, yes. But she didn't even tell me she's coming?
Suddenly, I have the urging feeling for a night snack. I put the note on the white duvet, and make my way out of the room. I descended down the stairs with a run.
Why didn't she tell me she's coming?
Ugh, she managed to tell Justin and not me? What kind of mother is that?
I walk-run to the kitchen. The house is pretty big. I finally reached the kitchen. There's a note on the refrigerator. I quickly grab and read it.
Trina, sorry I don't tell you I'm coming home. I have something I need to take, but I have to rush back for work. I'll call you later, honey.
Love,
Mom
Haha, yeah right. I know she wouldn't have time to call me anyway.
I guess, I'm gonna call Justin now. After all, he's done all this for me, right?
I sit on the kitchen counter, breathing in the heavy air. I can feel the smell of spices. Its so quite here. Nobody's home besides me. I reached inside my shorts pocket and slid out the iPhone.
After a few pushes and dials, I neared the phone to my ear.
There comes a sound indicating the call's reaching an International fee or something. I waited patiently, drumming my polished fingers on the marble counter.
"Hello?" A very familiar voice said from the other line. I can't help but smile because of it.
"Hi Justin! Oh my Gosh I'm so surprised. Thanks by the way, for all that you've done!" I suddenly forgot about him not keeping his promise. I don't mind that now, I'm already beyond happy by what he has done.
"I'm glad you love it! And I'm so sorry about earlier," He paused for a while. I could hear his sincerity in his voice. I can sense him grinning through the phone. Yeah, ridiculous I know. "And about that.... I have something I have to tell you.." He continued slowly but surely, causing curiosity to fill in.
"What is it? Something to do with Scooter?" I ask. Since Scooter interrupted our call earlier. I shifted on the counter, trying to find another comfortable position.
"Yeah, but it mostly involves me actually! Wait for it..." He paused again. I merely knit my eyebrows together, a little confused. "I'M GONNA HAVE A WORLD TOUR!" Justin yelled excitedly to the phone.
What?! Are you fucking serious about this? Oh my Gosh, what a nice surprise for an already surprising evening.
Wow.
Just, wow.
I can't believe what I said to Justin earlier today is actually gonna happen.
Ha! Could I really predict something that's gonna happen? Whew. Wait, I'm going nuts.
"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I exclaimed loudly, practically screaming to the phone. I jumped off of the kitchen counter, too excited to sit anymore.
"Yes, I'm serious about this Claire. No pranks and all that alright." He chuckled a little. I walk to the fridge and open it, picking up a half-full bottle of apple juice.
"Wait, YOU'RE having a world tour! You just have to come to Indonesia! Ahh, I'm so happy for you!" I can't help but squeeled excitedly.
I mean, this is your best friend, and he's going to have a world tour. That's just plain insane, right?
"I'm not sure about that, but I wanna go there so badly y'know. I'm sure Scooter could fill the country in. We didn't have the dates and places yet anyway Claire. So you just wait okay?" I paced back and front with the apple juice in hand, trying to keep my excitement out of control.
"Well, tell me later if you and Scooter have figured it out or something," I paused for a while. "I miss you, Justin. I hope I'm there you know. Sharing the excitement with you. Rather than being here practically bored out of my mind thinking about your upcoming tour you just told me.."
"I miss you to Claire.. Lots. I mean it. Its been a long time, eh? Hmm.. Probably more than 3 months apart from you could make me die out of missing your presence.." I laughed out loud at that. "Haha, oh my Gosh, where the hell did that come from?" I can hear him chuckled slightly.
"Maybe... Just maybe, I could come to Stratford.. Umm, you know.. Kinda like a vacation or something? I'm on a school break anyway. Its not gonna be a big deal.."
"My my.. You can do that? I missed you too much, Claire! Will you come here? Pretty please.. Y'know it gets a tad boring just playing with Chaz and Ryan.." I know that's totally impossible to feel bored around Chaz and Ryan.. Especially Chaz, since he's a clumsy boy and also a total dick-head.
"You're definitely lying, Justin! You'd never get bored around Chaz and Ryan. That's like, absolutely, without no doubt, impossible!" I can feel him smirking now..
"Haha. You must miss them lots, huh? Who do you miss more? Me or them?!" He demand me to answer. I just shuffled a little as I pulled the stool from under the kitchen island.
"No, I miss you guys a whole lot, yes. But equally," I smirk slightly at that.
"Ahh, now you're lying! I could tell from that smirk of yours that I just heard, that YOU MISSED ME MORE THAN THOSE TWO! Aha, beat that gurl!"
"Now, now. I so don't want to have a so-called argument through the phone with you. So I'm just gonna have to say..." I pause a while, before continuing. "Yes, I missed you more than ever, more than them, more than anything. And that, I'm not lying."
Yes I do miss Justin more than ever.. I miss having long talks on his couch. I miss our stupid arguments and snide remarks to each other. I miss his hugs, his warm body heat when he hugs me. I miss his amazing hair. Yeah I miss him.. Very much.
"Now that's what I'm talking about! Ha!" He paused, laughing a little. "But yeah.. I miss you more than I've ever miss anybody in my life.."
"You do?" I asked, a little curious about it. Justin rarely 'confess' his true feelings like this. He would probably answer with another annoying reply.
But I guess I'm wrong.
'Cause what he said, surprised me. A lot.
"Yeah, I do. And I am not joking. I miss talking and laughing with you. I miss every single thing about you. I love you, Claire. And that's saying a lot."
I'm totally dazed. And also shocked. Really shocked.
I never thought that something like this, could actually come from my prankster friend's mouth.
Oh. My. Gosh.
"Did you mean that as.. Umm, the friends way, or.." I kept the question hanging between us, cause I have no idea for words. Practically. Almost... Speechless.
"No. I mean that in a way as, umm.. More than f-friends, y'know.. Umm.. I can't help it, uhh.. Thinking back to the days when we were a thing you know. And I guess, I love you the way, uhh.. Couples do.."
What?! He rarely stumbles on his words like that..
And.. Um, maybe I too have a little bit more than friends feelings for him.
"Wow. You're not kidding me right?"
"No I'm being totally honest with you on this one. I promise not a joke or prank involved." I could sense him smiling from the way he spoke to me. I can't help but smile too.
I could feel a warm heat cascading through my whole body, from the butterflies fluttering uncontrollably in my stomach.
"'Cause you know what.. Uh.. I'm feeling the same way too.." I said it a little too quietly. I'm not even sure if he heard me.
I shuffled a little against the wooden stool.
A very long too-awkward silence fills in the moment through the phone.
Suddenly he broke the silence.
"You do?" A tone of surprise in his raspy voice.
"Yeahh... You know, I couldn't help thinking back on the way we used to be," I said, putting an emphasis in the word 'used'. "Haha, remember when we were sitting below the big apple tree near my old house, and then some apples drops from the tree branches? That was absolutely hilarious!"
And then Justin and I broke into loud fits of laughter.
"Oh my gosh! Yes I remember that!"
We broke into another fits of laughter. I can't help but clasp my hand around my stomach. Its aching a little from the undying laughter.
Finally, our laughter cools down. I decided to speak up first
"Umm, you know.. Maybe I could ask for my parents' permission to have a vacation in Stratford. I'm sure they won't mind. I could sleep over at your house or something, haha!"
"I'm sure you could. I hope you'll come here Claire, if not I'm gonna explode and my lava's gonna eat you alive! Okay never mind that. I'm such a nerd," He laughed out loud. I can't help but laugh along.
"Okay.. Well, I think I have to go. Its pretty late here. Let's see," I looked up to see the digital clock on the wall. Its red numbers flashing bright to my eyes. 10.58. "Its almost 11 pm. Its nice talking to you, Justin!"
"Yeah, well.. I'll miss you Claire!"
"I'll miss you too.. Bye, love you."
"Love you too.." And by that, I clicked the red end call button.
I sighed, opening the cap of the apple juice bottle. I lifted the bottle up to my eye's level. I smiled a little, realizing for the first real time, that I do love him.
I love Justin.
----
"So.. How about the teachers at Osbone? Are they nice?" Chris asked me, reaching for my hand. He clasped his fingers around mine while we were somehow, walking in the town park near the school. It sends me butterflies.
"They're nice and fun. Usually, some of them have games for us to play. And believe me, its not boring at all. Its fun actually. Or they'd let us chat while taking notes. They're pretty nice.."
"Oh really? That's good then," he chuckled. I gave out a small giggle. We swing our arms back and forth in pleasant silence, still walking along the garden's small stony path. Suddenly Chris stopped in his tracks, merely noticing me that has bumped into him, half-walking, half-stopping. I looked at him. He tensed a little.
"What's wrong?" I asked him. I didn't get why he would stop in the middle of his track like this. He barely looks at me. But he answered..
"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you." He shrug his shoulder downwards. I gave him a funny look, clearly confused. He's still looking down to the ground.
"Umm... I may have f-feelings for you.." He's still avoiding my gaze. Clearly from the look on his face, he is pretty nervous. He rarely stutter with his own words. That's new..
I could barely think of an answer. I just keep staring and staring at him intently. He never broke his 'eye-contact' from the ground.
But just then, he looks up at me with his mesmerizing caribbean blue eyes. I just returned his gaze, looking at him in the eye.
"I like you, Claire. I do. And I've been so afraid this whole time y'know. I've been thinking about you everyday, every minute..."
I couldn't mutter an even simple reply. I couldn't... No. I don't have the merest courage to answer him.
"Claire.. I know this is sudden, but I'm not gonna rush okay. We can still be just friends. I just want to admit that to you. I'm not proposing or anything you know.."
"Yeah I know.. Well I have feelings for you too, but, uh.. I'm not sure yet of what it is. I'm sorry."
"No that's totally okay. You don't have to feel the same way to me."
"No, I do like you. Its just, I'm still confused.." I shrugged a little.
"You don't have to answer now. You don't even have to answer, anyway. I just wanted to admit that to you. I'm not hoping high for you to reply my feelings and feel the same way. I'm just-"
I don't know what surge through me, but I leaned my head closer to him. And I can feel my lips touching with his.
"How could you do this to me. I thought you loved me.."
I gasped, breaking away from Chris.
It was Justin. I heard his voice in my head..
----
I opened my eyes with shock. Sending shivers down my spine.
Its all just a dream.. Its only a dream..
I can't help replaying the dream over and over in my head. It seems... Surreal.
What if my dream will came true? Of course its not really a typical nightmare. But for me, its really scary. Hearing my best friend's voice in my head is already creepy enough. Even in dreams.
Gosh, I'm totally having a dilemma over some unrealistic dream. Usually, I always have a logic explanation about this things. But this time... I don't.
I have to tell Trina about all of this. I absolutely need to tell her.
Well maybe..
I need a girl's day out.
---
"So you're not really certain of how you feel towards him, and also my cousin huh? Its kinda like the love triangles in movies, you know.." Trina chuckled by what she's saying. I just shrugged a little, uncomfortably.
I called Trina this morning, saying that I need a day out with her. Its been a pretty long time not having a Trina-Claire day. We usually just hang out at her house or my house. But today, we're going to a nearby mall. Trina said she need to buy a dress or something, and she needs me to tag along. So this could be the 'golden chance' to talk to her. Since she has been pretty busy dealing with the Chris-moving-to-Jakarta issue.
"Well.. Yeah, I'm still not certain about my feelings you know.." I shrugged my shoulders down. "I'm confused about all this. Maybe, time will tell.. Soon enough I hope,"
"Yeah, well I hope so. I have no right to deal with this. Y'know I'm just barging in because you told me all this alright. I'm not gonna take sides, even though Chris is my own cousin. You have the right to choose.."
"Aww.. Thanks a lot Trina!" I hugged her really tightly. She really is the best best friend ever..
Well, other than Megan of course.
See, the thing is, Megan and I never really lost contact between each other. We still talk a few times, but not as much as before. We're drifting apart. And it just happens naturally, without neither of us wanting it to happen.
I would love to have both Trina and Megan as my best friends. Sadly, we live in 'different worlds'.
So Trina and I, talked a lot. From store to store, we'd never stop talking, or commenting about this dress and that shoes or that handbag over there, and so on.
Until..
Trina suddenly stopped talking in the middle of our walk. She widen her eyes in shock, looking out through the store's glass display window. I look at her. Her eyes are practically bulging out of their sockets.
I turned the way she's looking and my mouth opened instantly. I felt my stomach drop at lightning speed. I'm absolutely speechless. I can't even comprehend what's really happening right now.
I saw Chris and Ashley Lewis, one of the losers in Osbone High, kissing.
I mean, seriously? How the hell did Chris know her? And why is HE kissing HER? She's an absolute outsider in our school. Her hair is the color of brownish black, and its very very curly. Very ugly indeed. And then she has a bad case of acne and freckles. Plus her fashion sense is just totally out. She wore green jacket with a red t-shirt once. Talk about color clashing! And anyway she doesn't even have a close friend.. Except for one girl named Ella or something.
Ugh. Why is Chris kissing Ashley? And how did he know her like that?
"Why in the world is that loser stucking her tongue in my cousin's throat?!" Trina said with a loud remark. Her face full of disgust and shock. Her eyes practically not blinking.
"I have no idea." I said slowly. Chris and Ashley? Kissing? Get out.
This already feels like the end of the world.. I actually felt the way people described it in movies:
My world is crashing down, well that kind of thing.
I felt pain surging through my whole body from my heart. Pain and something like anger.. or should I say... Jealously. I felt like I'm the one who should kiss him.
Oh God, what's wrong with me.
"Come on let's go over to them." I said casually, trying hard not to show my anger. Normally, my face would turn red at times like this.
Chris and Ashley.
Chris and Ashley.
Chris..
God, dammit stop it already.
We got out of the store and walked over to them. A smirk formed on Trina's face. As Trina got closer to them, I just stand behind and watch from a close distance.
Trina merely gave a fake cough. Hearing a sound interrupting THEM, Chris and Ashley broke apart from their little make-out session.
"Chris, what the hell are you doing kissing this dirt over here?" Whew that was harsh and a little bit mean. Okay not a little, scratch that. It was so mean.
Chris's face turns from expressionless to disgust, while looking at Ashley, and shock when he realized I was there. He stare at me for a long time.
"Oh Gosh. I have no idea! This girl over here just came up to me while I was walking, and kissed me right here. I swear!" Chris paused awhile, waiting for one of us to give a comment. But we both, Trina and I, stayed silent. Trina just shrugged and crossed her arms. Whilst I only scratch my head, avoiding Chris's gaze.
"Please guys! I don't even know her!"
Trina raised an eyebrow at his sentence. Uhm, okay I could say that Chris sounded truthful.
After a long silence, finally Trina stepped forward to face Ashley. "Well? Do you have any explanations?"
She didn't answer the question, as she did the stupidest thing a person could think of.
Run.
----
"Uhmm... So,"
"So.."
I still couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of my eyes a few moments ago. It was like every air you're about to breath is gone, like hyper-ventilating.
And here I am, in his room. The awkward tension lies in-between us. Hugging every corner of the room.
I just play with the strands of my hair, not bothering to look up at Chris's sorry face.
I want to look at him so badly. I want to stare into those mesmerizing caribbean blue eyes. But, I just couldn't. Yes, I know this isn't really his fault.. At all. But still. He kissed her back. And to top it all off, I saw it right before my eyes.
The image of them still play continously on my mind.
Well, I think its better to know this by myself then from another person. Like a friend of mine or something.
Still. I couldn't face him. I can't look at him and not feel hurt.
"I'm sorry, Claire. I didn't mean that. I'm really sorry.." I heard him gave a sigh. "Please believe me. I wish I could take it all back. I don't even know what she's doing coming up to me and kissing me like that."
"No its okay, really. It's not even your fault,"
"But I-"
"No, don't bother okay. That kiss certainly doesn't mean anything, since you kissed her back."
That was kind of mean. But it's the truth. I feel like I'm being such a bitch right now. Gosh.
I look up slowly, boring my eyes into his. Realization struck me. What am I doing? I'm not even certain that what we have, what Chris and I have, is real.
We never made it official.
So why am I acting like this? Jealous? Yes of course. But I'm not even his girlfriend.
"Claire, please.. I'm really sorry,"
"You know what, just stop it. All of this is just non-sense. I don't understand what we have. What's up with us? I don't think that you do either. We've never been that serious anyway," I shrug slightly, the anger creeping through. "This is what I've always been afraid of. What do we even have, Chris? What is it that we have? What's going on between the two of us?"
Chris shook his head, speechless. I know that both of us didn't understand what we both have towards each other. Maybe its just some unexpected chemistry or something. I mean, I've only met him a few days ago!
"I just.." I paused to regain my composure. This is very emotional, indeed. "I don't think that this could continue, okay. It's over, whatever we have."
I look at his face, his expression solemn. I can't take it anymore. Tears seems to form behind my eyes. I blink a few times, nervously, to hold it all in.
"Goodbye." I said, reaching for the door handle. But his hands stop me by the shoulder.
"Claire.." I stopped in my tracks, my back still facing him. I couldn't possibly turn to face him without crying. Pathetic, I know.
"Look, I know you don't want this to continue. But I do. Well I'm not sure either what we have here between us. But I, so badly, want it to last. And you can't stop me, okay? I have legit feelings for you. Even though we just met like 3 days ago, well you know what? I don't care. I don't fucking care, 'cause what matters right here, right now, is me and you. Not even what happens between me and that girl at the mall, could stop me from having this attraction towards you." He paused, sighing. At times like this, I couldn't resist to feel some kind of liking towards those thick australian accent. "So could you at least, forgive me for what I did? It's the least you could do for me. Please?"
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I turn to face him, and run to his open arms. I know this sounds a lot like what you see in movies and all that fluffy romance stuff. But well, what matters is, I felt safe with his arms around me. Protecting me. Silent tears, trickle down my cheeks. I didn't bother to wipe it off my face. I could taste the salty tears on the corner of my mouth.
But I don't care.
Because what matters most is that you have someone to hold on to. Someone who cares. Someone who's willing to stay by your side.
Even though, we're not even certain what we have. All that matters is now. The moment that is happening.
And being with someone who loves you, is the best feeling you could have experienced.
sorry for the long wait and spelling mistakes if there's any. so so sorry. this took me so long. actually i've finished this chapter a long time ago, but since i have it in my blackberry, i kinda postponed to send it to my e-mail for awhile. anyways, sorry again and wait for the next part. MUCHLOVEE!
~ALSA
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